Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
