Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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