no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
