Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
