i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
