she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
