So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
