If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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