brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
