If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
