hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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