one might say we're banned from that church
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
