I can text with my tongue
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
