Just fell off a train. Bad.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
