And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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