He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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