I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
