Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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