I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
