I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
