i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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