Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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