READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
