i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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