my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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