We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
