I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
