I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
