I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
