your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
