Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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