I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
