I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
