I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
