I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
