So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
