Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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