u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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