your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
