Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
