does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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