i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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