tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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