I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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