just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
