Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
