Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Houston, we have a squirter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
