names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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