Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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