**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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