SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
