From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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